I hope to encourage others who deal with autistic loved ones as we travel through and out of this mist which creates a sense of loss, bewilderment, envy, and love that is found in moments that most neurotypicals miss. Let us not miss – let us join and enjoy those moments of bewilderment, love, and loss. I am an attorney for a living, an ex wife to someone on the spectrum. I am mother of two children who are also diagnosed with autism. For the last seven years I have been in relationship off an on with another man who although brilliant is on the spectrum. I am also a writer. Writing helps me cope with my life. It allows me to vent, to ponder, and to dream on hopes.
In the Midst of Autism
I was married when I was 21. I thought my marriage was normal. In fact to the outside world my marriage shined far above normal. However, for the first ten years I felt crazy. I felt alone. My self worth became lost.
I left in year ten after a sad attempt to take my life. I spent the next year trying to stay away from now ex husband. But he was in full get the “crazy woman” back mode. So many promises made, so many romantic gestures – and I went back. We had two children. Our second child was not hitting developmental milestones. I was back to being the crazy one. I felt alone and more importantly he believed nothing was wrong with our son. He down played any of my concerns to the pediatrician. At fifteen months our son was diagnosed with sever autism. My ex husband shut down. And two years later we divorced.
My son’s diagnosis opened a truth to my life. I am not crazy. I just needed to learn how to deal and cope with autism. Autism – is all encompassing. And there’s some bad and there’s some good. And a lot of love to learn how to give and received.